


There is No Toothfairy

by seizure7



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bromance, Fluff, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-07
Updated: 2012-11-07
Packaged: 2017-11-18 04:38:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/556984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seizure7/pseuds/seizure7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day Steve walked by one of Tony’s workshops. He did a double take. Through the glass wall he spotted Tony. He was wearing goggles and a patented Stark Industries air mask... and the man was carefully airbrushing Steve’s shield.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is No Toothfairy

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to CommanderSteves: If it weren't for her I don't think I would have ever fully appreciated Steve Rogers as a character.

One day Steve walked by one of Tony’s workshops. He did a double take. Through the glass wall he spotted Tony. He was wearing goggles and a patented Stark Industries air mask... and the man was carefully airbrushing Steve’s shield. An unusual brand of shame welled up within Steve. The same kind of shame kids sometimes got when they entered their bedrooms and caught their moms picking up discarded gym socks off the floor. ( _You had just one job! ONE!! AND YOU **FAILED** IT! You terrible excuse for a human being!)_

He stumbled through the doors, the fumes of fresh paint hit him in the face like a slap, “Wha- Tony what are you doing?!? I thought your bots took care of this stuff!”

Tony stopped.

He stared at Steve.

Then he snorted and he cracked up, “WOW. Seriously? You think THEY'RE the ones who do the paint job on your Indestructible Wok of Patriotism? Gee-wiz. That’s a real cute thought, Steve. My babies might have a decent personality algorithm but they can’t even wash a blender properly.”

Tony’s shoulders shook from barely repressed laughter, “I really hate to break it to you but if you thought Loki’s invasion was a disaster... Dummy’s work on your frying pan would blow it out of the water and into orbit.”

“Wait... so all this time you’ve been...?”

“... Steve,” Tony put his left hand over his heart and shook his head, “I am so, _so_ sorry to have to break it to you... but the toothfairy doesn’t exist, my bots have the articulation and artistic skills of a drunk kindergartener and _yes_ : since you started staying in my tower, I’ve been personally performing regular maintenance on your shield. Hah! Actually I guess I’m your toothfairy... so gimme your dentures, gramps! I require thy teeth as payment for mine services!”

Steve didn’t quite know how to respond to that.

Tony took pity on him and he put the airbrush down onto his worktable, the muffled voice behind the air mask became a little more sincere, “Look. It’s really no big deal okay? It’s just a little side thing, sort of what I do for Bruce. You know I’m still trying to engineer Hulk-proof pants. I have fun working on it! Your shield’s the same thing. I’ve actually developed one of the strongest eco-friendly, semi-bulletproof paints in existence.” Tony winked, “Stark Industries thanks you for your highly extensive role in field-testing.”

“We... had a huge fight last month.” Steve’s voice was soft.

Tony froze then his face shifted into utter horror. Oh. Shit. Oh no... _nooooooo._ He wouldn’t bring it up- oh fuck _HE WOULD: he’s fucking Captain America_.

Steve continued, his train of thought was building up steam, “We didn’t talk for days. We fought beside each other... but we didn’t talk at all.”

Tony wanted to crawl into a hole and die. No. Wait: he wanted crawl into a hole and take Loki down with him. It’d be guaranteed death by maiming.

“All that time... my shield’s paint still got touched up until it looked like new. Every scrape.” A slow smile was starting to curl the corners of Steve’s mouth, “Every scratch... every single burn.”

 _Oh sweet mother of civilization_ did Tony want to punch the man who punched Hitler.

Steve’s hands were in his pockets and he just smiled at Tony.

“It’s just part of my routine,” stated Tony.

“Mmhm.”

“I could do it in my sleep.”

“Sure, Tony.”

“... Steve. I hate you with every molecule of my being.”

“Come here.”

“No. _NOO TOUCHY_. I do not like being handed things and I do NOT like being touched by guys!”

“Liar. [You were all over Thor last week](556495).”

Tony sighed. Then with the enthusiasm of an inmate on death row he stood up and walked into Steve’s arms.

He didn’t stop talking as Steve hugged him, “Are we Avengers or are we Spartans? I swear. The homoerotic bromance in this building is reaching suspiciously critical levels. I bet Loki is behind this. Let’s go beat him up. It’ll be a house call. We can wear mustaches and pretend we’re from UPS. He’ll open the door. You brain him. I’ll sit on him and then you can-”

 

“Tony...” Steve used his Soldier Voice but he didn’t let go, “Just shut the hell up.”

 

“...Okay.”


End file.
